Ah! Those questions we’ve been asking forever, with no definitive answer. Finally, the answer.

  • Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? – When in doubt, wash them again.
  • Does this make me look fat/slutty/ugly? – Fake a stroke.
  • Who peed on the seat? – Take one for the team and own up. You can take a beating better than the kid. Or, fake a stroke.
  • Do you want to go see <insert anyone’s name>’s new baby? – Fake a stroke. If you’ve seen one baby, you’ve seen 20.
  • Who ate my <insert name of food> for <insert name of function>? – Fake a stroke. Or, blame the kids. They get a better pass at this one. Besides, they owe you for the toilet seat deal.

Pretty much, faking a stroke works in most situations.

What other questions do you need responses for?